Poems by Ahmad Alkhatat

Poems by Ahmad Alkhatat

 

Keeping A Secret 

Being gay is always meant
Death and nothing but death
I heard of who I am under my
Dress on my way to the mosque

I saved a few seats to escape
From the red suit to death penalty
Nor the orange suit for a lifetime
In the darkest corner of my freedom

I promised not to return home
To rescue the lives of other men
The dust settles in clueless thinkers
And hope dies like a drop of rain

I ran over the book cover judges
To dance for my first time and not last
To share my pure side with no fears
Family sees me as emotionally weird

I rest in front of the massive cross
It was nobody but bleeding Jesus
In the church by myself with a candle
Crying because I knew I am a sinner

I then start coming to church every day
With a smile I have never been able to do
Despite being in another country, it feels
Like being drowned in a sea of lost dreams

I tried to name the dogs of this town
Men who died for only being able to feel
The chemistry between each other’s and
Hiding it in a shy gun like what I had done ‘fore

Christmas is coming and I’m still alone till
I met with a pastor around my age and went
Out with him in a small bar with lots of men
And a few women making out with other girls

I realized that the pastor weeps of sinning
Unable to build the courage to come to me
And kiss me or say something about his feelings
Towards me or even take me to his little room

I saved the world with a silky pink sword
Silky to hid the blood of the regime curiosity
And pink to show my side of the inside of me
Yet the sword, it’s still between two large rocks

I pour gas on the most beautiful bridge in
Where the pastor knew my crush about him
And knew the fact that I was a Muslim sheikh
He hugged me and I got the man’s taste for once

The bridge made us confident and stronger
It was like we are the happiest for beginners
I never saw a man’s body and its details from the neck
To his tiny toe so he promised to show me

He wasn’t a bitter man and a pastor to be in love
With but I always felt that our relationship was like
The turtle waiting for the stars to go blue so they
Could go faster to find water to drink close to the bones

I pour gas in the black night for our lives before
He takes me hostage to pleasure him forever and
I lit lighter than the bridge catches on flames of
Sins and my heart slowly goes back into the ash

He died within regretting about loving me and I died
For not having a memorial grave for the journey we had
The truth about love does not appear to be sweet
But no place like the paradise he deserves the pastor

While I’d rather be kept in the dark and not
Forgiving spot till the devil wears my skin and bones
And throw my soul in hell and be the last orphan
Or a lady of my own and keeping a secret.

Note: the poem is about a gay relationship between
A Christian pastor and a Muslim sheikh.

 

Our Relationship…

Every time I hear your voice
Singing a song about everything
We have been through in shining and
Dark moments of our relationship

It feels like the time when we first kissed
Between the city lights and lover’s joys
I don’t regret leaving my jacket with you
Meanwhile, I walked back home alone

I could never forget you anymore
Every day I see you with my two eyes
Spicy, sassy, sweet and saucy
I will be the sky when you’re the sun

Don’t look left and right just find me
I will challenge you, captivate you,
Entice you, appreciate you, and ultimately
Love and enjoy desiring you emotionally

Say goodbye to the loneliest time in
Your life and I promise that I will be always
There for you to stand up for you and
To support every step we take together.

 

Inside My World…

Under a silent moon
There are dusty wishes
Bleed as I’m weeping
Inside my world in dark

The streets are flooding
With the water from rain
And the poor elephants
Are unable to drink water

The child plays in the garden
Is now between Jesus arms
The guest room are memories
And the backyard is a graveyard

My piano teacher taught me about
How to play with eyes closed and
Let my spirit sing my pain quietly
Instead of cutting my flesh again

A hundred flowers I smelled from
The times of silliness when I hurt
The wolves and described myself
In my diaries as I’m the only hero

The sweet scent of my blood
The fire alarm is going off and
Nobody cares about unemployment
Like me with so many ways to die

I tried to sell my bones to dogs
But since I have betrayed before
They refused them since dogs are
Loyalists and I’m the evil drunk man.

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