Faiq Balabeyli (Azerbaijan)

Faiq Balabeyli (Azerbaijan)
Faiq Balabeyli ( Seferov Faiq Aghash oghlu) : Born on February 23, 1964, in Sabirabad village of Jalilabad district of the Republic of Azerbaijan.
After finishing secondary school he entered Azerbaijan State Marine Academy. Afterwards he graduated from faculty of creation of Baku Slavic University,
For years he took different post in Caspian Sea Oil Fleet, he is ship captain.
He is engaged in poetry since youth years. He is a member of Azerbaijan Writers’ Union since 1996. He is a correspondent of “Literary newspaper” attached the Writers Union. He is a constitutor of “Musteqil.Az” site. He worked as journalist in different newspapers. He was the editor –in-chief of the newspapers of “ Yeni kheber” ( “News”) and “ Milletin sesi” ( “The voice of nation” ).
He is the author of 7 books. His poems have been translated into Russian, Hebrew, Georgian, English, Turkish, Persian language. He has translated some Russian poets’ poems into Azerbaijani. He is President grant holder.
He has been honored with literary prizes “ Shahmar Ekberzade
”Memmed Araz”
I caressed you in this way-
I didn’t cherished anything
I didn’t fondled anything
Like these stony walls
Like these wet walls
That I rubbed my face every day
I saw you in this way
I didn’t look around
Above those walls…
I am not so tall
To look to other side of these walls
The places of other side
Of these walls
Aren’t to my heart’s content.
I missed you in this way
I rubbed my hands to your stones,
Thorns stung my knees.
I stared at your forests,
I leaned against your trees
I turned my heart
Towards the Aras
I let the pains of you
Pass through my inside.
I loved you in this way
As the clouds yawned
As the rains didn’t stop
As the grey clouds
Didn’t fall out with you…
I loved you in this way
I fondled you so
I missed you in this way
I lived with you so-
including “ Red pen” prize.
Don’t cry for me!
Don’t cry for me,
When I was alive
I caused you to weep.
I pulled your hair,
Banged your head against the wall.
I insulted you
With the words
You didn’t want to hear.
With your popped out eyes,
With your breath not passing through your throat
You wanted to tell me that
You didn’t know I could treat with you so.
Don’t cry for me!
I gifted you the pains
Of your grieving heart.
I have sent you
The grey paths in your hair.
You made me tea,
You cooked my meals,
You loved me, you loved me madly…
Don’t cry for me!
I know you miss me
I know you miss me,
You are staring at the road.
Grief signs on joy
And signs under it.
In our village
The trees shed their leaves.
Put your arms around my photo,
Let you tears soak your cheeks.
If wind blows, go outside,
It will bring you my scent.
Being without you
Robbed my dreams.
My poems smell straw
Tomorrow darkness will fall all around
Come and hold my hands.
Why are you shedding tears
Holding my photo before your eyes?
Ah, my photo has been wet,
My darling, what is it? Are you crying?
You left
You left and took with you
A sip of joy you had brought with you.
After your leave
All around was covered in darkness
As if I am soaked under rain drops.
The ships sank in ports,
All lights were switched off.
Just now I understood that
Once I looked through my fingers at life
But now I look at life
Through railings of prison…
Now I realized
Life had been nice
And days spent with you
Were fine.
You left
And I understood that
Since this moment
I live a prisoner’s live
And I carry in my heart
The feeling of being without you.
How you can know,
How I lived without you.
What I thought being without you…
I know, I didn’t value you
I didn’t tell you sweet words.
On your birthday
I didn’t buy a bouquet of flowers to you.
I became the man of your dreams,
But I didn’t let you know about it.
I caused you to cry,
But I didn’t cause you to smile.
I didn’t read you the poems
That I dedicated to you.
I know how I treated with you.
I made tears roll down your cheeks.
I brought tears to your eyes.
And I gifted grief to your hart.
You loved me madly
I didn’t know why you loved me.
Now I realized
The world isn’t worth to your tear.
I understood that
The life is meaningless
Without you…
Now I remember
How much I hurt you.
Surely you pressed my photo
Against your breast…
Your eyelashes joined one another
I looked at everything superficially
You didn’t get interested deeply.
I loved you so much
Even the God couldn’t love his creature so.
You could bear my tortures
Even the God couldn’t bear so much
I know you wait for me,
Each time when I returned home late
You reflection remained on window…
Surely now you are at the window
Instead of flowerpots.
I wish if only
The past days returned back.
I have little hopes for future…
Darkness creeps behind the future,
It is autumn and winter
Following future.
No, you know everything,
You know how I grieve.
You know what I think without you
You know
I know I didn’t value you.
.. I loved you so much
Even the God couldn’t love his creature so.
I know that
You loved me madly
I don’t know
Why you loved me…
Translated from Azerbaijani into English by Sevil Gulten

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