Alexa Prada (Costa Rica)
Alexa Prada is a young Costa Rican artist. She is a 22-year-old singer-songwriter and poet. Some of her texts can be found in magazines and anthologies such as Y2K” (2018) , “Desacuerdos” (2020) , fanzine of Otro Taller Literario (2020) , “Nueva Poesía Costarricense” (2020), Revista Atunis Galaxy Poetry (2021) and Liberoamérica (2020).
Gravity and circles
How many circles i’ll have to walk in?
How many gravities i’ll have to drown in?
How many mirrors i’ll have to break through?
How many hearts i’ll have to fall in?
How many circles well have to slide in?
How many time holes well have to embark?
to spill in,
to sink in.
How many ships i’ll have to build?
How many sailors i’ll have to sacrifice?
How many i’ll tell myself
“You may save them”?
I’m missing you already
pressing the blood i’ll lose when you leave
I’ll find you in the highway songs,
the morning stuff,
my after sex tears,
You’ve placed yourself in every reminiscence.
I would volunteer in sacrifice
if i was another person,
another mass of muscles wondering by.
But I’m me,
and you’re you.
they don’t have wet maps
neither fairytale rules.
They spend their time
in a confusing ocean circle,
swirling their tongues for sugar,
for a little bit of sense.
You know, when you treat me like that
freezing, as if we met last week.
And when you love me like that
when we’re alone
And i know
that if i tell you this
you’ll have an explanation
because you always have an answer
and a perfect way to make everything about me
nothing about you
It is never about you.
And always having answers
it’s just a way of hiding.
Because you need to feel safe
more than you need to feel.
You are just playing chess
and hiding and seek,
disclaiming the reality that you actually feel.
So here you are
pulling myself away
planning your next answer
this is real, you know?
And that’s why you are so afraid of
so if you can’t embrace that
if you can’t accept that
i don’t know about you
but me, i have just one life to love
And maybe we’ll be dead by tomorrow
and i’m so tired unvoicing that i love you
so here were are
but this time
is the last time
i try to convince you
This vacuum has no remedy
although there’s hope
there ‘s no mercy.
And this room
has never been so dark
life’s a never ending goodbye.
So I have this pet
she’s kind of inusual.
I have been struggling with the name.
I’ve not made up my mind yet.
Wants me to move out,
She makes me believe,
that people are here to hurt me.
She reminds me that i am hard to love
as if i was a self-love sick joke,
running around begging for love
That i can’t escape my own gravity
that i won’t stop crawling in circles
and sinking in hearts where i don’t belong.
She’s a bogart that tells me every night,
that all of my friends
they secretly hate me
and they are gonna leave me alone
and that she has never left me alone
she doesn’t allow me to think even in a quiet room
because I’m the reception in which you can’t hear
you can’t reach, where you don’t want to be at
So she encloses me in these four walls
these four gigantic white walls
with just one TV
that i am forced to watch at every night
before making the futile attempt to go to sleep
She, she has so many friends that come to visit
Insomnia, she’s the sweetest
cause she lays me down in her arms
and i count so many reasons to be awake
as if i was counting sheep the way i used to do in childhood
and when she leaves
a huge dragon called Nocturnal enters
and he makes me dream, just as i asked insomnia for
but i dream about demons and horrifying torture i run away from
And i know that i am dreaming but i feel like i’m gonna die
if i don’t wake up
someone just wake me up
another friend is coming for me
please, she has no mercy
she wont let me wake up
she knows i’ll have to finish the dream
so all my efforts to move
they are worthless
so i’ll have to wake up whenever she feels like it
I am the pet.